Taking a break from the high octane world of politics, I turn today to the world of sports, specifically college football.   Today, as you may or may not know, is the opening weekend for football at bucolic campuses across the fruited plain.  But I prefer to honor this annual event as National Drubbing Day.  This is the day finely-honed athletes from Towson U., Florida A&M, Utah Tech, and Southwestern Maine State get to fly first class, and stay at first rate hotels in Gainesville, Austin, Columbus, South Bend and Athens.   Their purpose, to serve as opening day football fodder for the major collegiate football factories of our time.   Scores such as 73-3 and 65-2 are not uncommon.   It’s an ugly but necessary part of the business of college athletics.

I wish that I could sit in the back corner of the locker room just before kickoff to hear the coach’s pre-game pep talk.   It might go something like this :  “Guys, we’ve had a great and productive few weeks of pre-season practice, and I think we’re as ready and healthy as we can be going into our season.  With some good bounces and few injuries, we might even have what it takes to compete for our conference title, and take home the golden turkey bowl back to our trophy cabinet.   But not today, guys.  Today you are here for a higher purpose.  Our goals, in exchange for the $850,000 our hosts are paying our humble school, are to keep them below 70 points, keep the clock moving, and get the hell  out of here with as few broken bones as possible.  Let’s skip the showers by the way, after the game.  As you are being pummeled into the turf by the elite athletes on our opponents’ squad today, just remember how grateful our school’s soccer, volleyball, softball and crew players are that you were able to bring home the big payday to fund their sports.  For as you know, while our football stadium is always full with paid fans,  no paid supporters venture near the events of those other sports.   Oops, I forgot, the scholarship cheerleaders also owe you a debt of gratitude for the physical mauling you will endure today.  So guys, just suck it up, take it like a man, and run to the team busses as soon as the final whistle sounds.                                                            WHAT THE HECK !